How to Deal With Divorce Aggressively From an A Type Personality
How to deal with Divorce from a Parents perspective
Growing up, my mother was in a destructive relationship with a pathological liar that she ended up having 2 children with (myself and my sister), like many young naive teens she fell for the handsome fast talking young men and her life seemed great until she realized he had no real ambition, had no interest in working and lied and stole to get by. At the time she was very hard working paying for his University Education for many years until she found out he was never going to university and cashed the checks to spend it on who knows what. She gave him many chances, but in the end he was what he was and he continued this destructive behaviour resulting in separation and then finally to divorce. This was her time to wake up and stop acting like a little bitch. Unfortunately for her this took many wasted years of abuse, but in the end she came to a conclusion that has reaped rewards for herself her entire life.
Once her separation was in place she held her ground as her decision was made, she would no longer tolerate bullshit from any man. During these times thing were obviously dark and it would be for anyone going through this type of trauma, as many of us do. I am not promoting divorce by any means, I am very happily married and hope very much that it stays that way forever. I am only suggesting that any type of abuse should not be continuously tolerated once ground rules have been established in a relationship.
Stopping acting like a little bitch in this situation is when you take yourself out of the situation and look at it from a birds eye view and realize whether or not you can live with something wether it is physical or mental abuse.
But how do we explain this to the kids? Children will suffer a significant impact when a divorce occurs, there is nothing you can do about it. For me it was explained well after it happened and that did not help, as my sister and I were often confused and angry due to this. Every parent in a separation or divorce scenario wants to know the answer to this, all I can say is that you know your children better than anyone else in the world and it is your duty to explain it to them your way. No psychologist can tell you how to do it, you just need to do it gently and honestly. Remember you are the adults here, keep your fighting behind closed doors and keep the volume down. Children are sponges and will learn your good and bad habits, showing your rage in front of them will only harm them. Further to this, I know there are a lot of parents that direct there anger towards there children when they cannot do it to their spouse. If you are one of them you need to stop acting like a little bitch and direct it somewhere else, talking to a professional does not make you a little bitch it shows self realization and strength.
How to deal with divorce from a Child Perspective
Every divorce situation is different, and so is every personality dealing with it. My sister and I took our parents divorce in different light. My sister internalized the divorce and felt great loss, she continues to today as it comes out as an excuse for many of life’s disappointments once she has had a few drinks. I took it originally as an excuse to rebel, I have no dad and I don’t give a shit. That was my mentality, I thought this was the masculine way to deal with it but was wrong. I lashed out at everyone around me, directly at my family as well as my friends. Then when the ash settled and time healed (apparently) I totally deleted my father from my mind.
You see after the divorce occurred my father never came back around as he could not or would not pay for child support. So for me it was out of site, out of mind. For me this allowed me to grow in other ways finding my way to manhood mostly on my own, I stopped acting like a little bitch and victim and worked to be the opposite of what this asshole was. Using a negative to create a positive takes a lot of mental processing and it helped that I had mental support from my grandparents and mother to work it all out.
Have you ever heard of daddy issues or mommy issues? It is a type of behaviour that impressed upon an individual in regards to their parents that affect other parts of their lives (not a clinical definition). For example many woman who have daddy issues will have strange relationships with men later in their adult lives causing them to sometimes date much older or become dependant on men they are in relationships with causing them to be at the lower end of a relationship/disposable. Or men can have mommy issues, putting their mothers before anyone else including their spouse and children.
If a divorce has occurred, the emotional component has to be dealt with and hashed out, or else there can be severe life consequences. Can you turn it around? Can you deal with this? How?
You can, stop acting like a little bitch and get some professional help the emotions need to be dealt with. Confront your parents or children and hash it out with them. Don’t let it be your burden.