How to Deal With Cheating in Your Relationship
How to deal with being cheated on
I wanted to outline another dark area of life that is reality for many, being cheated on. Recently someone I know well was cheated on by her spouse, she caught him not just once but twice. The cheating was so in your face and blunt that her husband (the cheater) asked us to support her even before she told her own sister what had happened. It was an emotional rollercoaster for the entire family. I am putting this after the divorce section in my only because that is one way this could end up, but for a lot of people they were cheated on by a girlfriend or boyfriend and it hurts just as bad.
Her story goes like this….husband meets hot blonde at work, she knows he is married and has a child. They start an intense sexual relationship lasting 6 mths or more, hot blonde gets pregnant…fuck…husband panics and gets careless with his phone and messages…..hot blonde gets and abortion…..husband gets even more careless….wife catches the husband through phone messages, emails, dick pics and more!!! The fights start at home, wife internalizes her anger and keeps her husband secret as if she was the one doing the cheating….wife fears loss thinking about what life would be without her husband and how this will affect her child. Wife forgives husband and tries to move on……..wait for it……wait…..husband continues to fuck the hot blonde!!! He gets caught again, this time the wife and the hot blonde talk on the phone and the blonde details the raunchy sex the two have been having behind the wives back. Distraught, the wife continues to internalize the pain until the husband blabs out his mistake to me, because he feels so sorry for his wife that he has mentally abused this much. Wife becomes self destructive and tries to kill herself not thinking about her child or the rest of her family…..wife lives, thanks God.
Wife forgives him again….. What the fuck??
In this story the wife had created a God like figure out of the husband who did not give a shit about her. There was no passion in the relationship, only dependance. The wife was dependant on the husband to feel like she was in a relationship (a family). The husband was dependant on the wife for cooking, cleaning and to show face in their community and at work. At the time, I knew what these people were like and suggested to my wife that we should not take sides as we will turn into the bad guys if we do. I was right.. Other family member had lashed out against the cheater and they no longer have a relationship with either the cheater or the cheatee (if that what you call it).
This may piss off a lot of people but I don’t give a shit. It is as simple as this. IF YOU HAVE BEEN CHEATED ON, IT IS BECAUSE THE OTHER PERSON DOES NOT GIVE A SHIT ABOUT YOU, HAS NO RESPECT FOR YOU, AND NEEDS SOMETHING ELSE IN THEIR LIFE. Don’t be a fucking victim, stop acting like a little bitch and realize that this is the way it is.
Human beings are programmed to hunt for mates from the beginning of time. Both men and women will always look at something else, that is why we like to look at models…or porn. If a person ACTS on these animal instincts when they are in a relationship then they are uncontrollable. I don’t understand why a person would want to fix this unless it is purely financial.
Does a person ever deserve a second chance? I don’t know…….how much are you willing to tolerate? what is your breaking point? Can you forgive and forget? Only you can answer these questions. I can only tell you that intoxication cannot be an excuse for this type of behaviour as I like to drink and I also love hot women….but i keep my dick in my pants lol!
Talking to a professional can definitely help you work through these emotions, but only you know if it is worth it. If you are dating and this happens, pack it up for sure. It will cost you more emotionally, financially and physically if you continue with this. Financially because you will have to give them half plus pay for lawyers if you need a divorce, physically because you are giving your best years (your looks, and body) to a cheating piece of shit, and emotionally because along the way you might have a few bambino’s and have the feelings of greater loss.
An uncle of mine was cheated on by his wife…….with his brother….fuck. For some time this went on, him and his wife had a child……we later found out it was his brothers……fuck. When this happened he dealt with the situation very fast, sending his wife away with his brother to another city. Then poof! He never spoke about it again…..I believe he blamed himself for what happened as many cheatee’s do. Maybe I did not give her enough attention? Maybe I did not fuck her enough? Maybe I don’t make enough money etc etc. Self doubt is disaster, It is not your fault someone cheated on you. If you are old enough to be in an intimate relationship you are old enough to hear the reality of cheating. It is the cheaters fault, there is something lacking in their world that causes them to act on their urges. They can make any excuse in the book and they will often try to push the blame on anyone but themselves. That is because they are being bitches and are weak, they do not have the balls to tell you that they are looking for something else.
There are so many scenario’s about cheating but one thing is very common is that the person cheated on feels like they do not look good enough to sexually arouse their partner. I am here to tell you that it is still not because of you. I saw the people cheated on in these situations start going to the gym, bought nicer clothes, did their hair better all to please the piece of shit that cheated on you. Self improvement is great and feeling good is amazing, but don’t do it to please another person. Build confidence within yourself, and you will be strong enough to tell them to fuck off!
How to live with yourself after you cheat
Being the cheater yourself is another area that a person can create great improvement in themselves and in the relationship. Strange, but this can be an opportunity for you to improve your life in a massive way! The key is stop acting like a little bitch and face what the reason is you did what you did. There is no judge for what you did, your significant other is not your parent. In fact life is short and you do not need to be with this person, you need to concentrate on what makes you happy so that when you are on your death bed you can feel that you did everything in your power to make yourself happy including not suffocating yourself in a relationship you are unhappy in.
I am not saying cheating is the way out, or a solution to a problem. Cheating is a fact in life, it was happening since the beginning of time and will continue long after we are all dead. Getting out of a relationship without being an asshole would be the way healthier way to deal with a situation but if you are like many and you cheat just don’t act like a little bitch about it.
In the first story of the cheater above I had conversations with the husband that detailed how unhappy he was in his marriage but he refused to let it go. He said that there was no passion and it had been this way for years. His said he never initiated sex, bragged that he never did any chores at home, drank too much and thought of his wife only as his friend. For him this should have been a major realization that he was not happy, but he chose to stay in the marriage and “fight for it” even though he was not happy….strange. I got to thinking about it and realized it was his ego that made him continue his stupid behaviour. He did not want to be seen as the bad husband, the failed marriage, the split family. And to keep the facade going he convinced his wife to tell no-one about the pregnancy, the cheating, and the deceit. He then manipulated her into turning against the people that supported her…that’s fucked up isn’t it. All to please his ego. He turned a person against their support, love and siblings to make his situation feel better…..fucking asshole right?
This is very common, if you cheat stop acting like a little bitch and realize YOU cheated! For your relationship to be healthy, both people need to be healthy mentally. We all teach our children to take responsibility for their actions and this is what you need to do if you cheat on someone. Take responsibility and then take care of yourself. Living with regret is a huge mistake in life, we get a short amount of time on earth. Why waste it on a relationship or person that does not satisfy us in every way, mentally, physically, supportively or whatever you need. There are so many people in the world, there is definitely someone that matches well with you and they can enhance you life instead of stifling it.
You are in the best position right now to stop acting like a little bitch, and start being the person you want to be and view yourself as. Either fix your situation if you want it to work and take the blame you deserve, or break it off and realize you can be happier without the other person. Do not be destructive as you go through this time it will only cause more pain. If there are children involved, act like the person you would want them to be like. Don’t run from your mistake, it will hurt you children in ways that can affect their entire lives. Get help or support where you need it and be loyal to all of the other relationships you want to continue.