How To Be Sexually Satisfied-tools and tips
Getting what you want! (Within reason)
Sexual satisfaction becomes a very important part of life as we progress through a relationship. It is a bonding factor that can help a couple become closer and even strengthen the trust and bond in a relationship. When a person is denied, they may feel a deep level of rejection resulting in fear of open conversation about the matter or even abstaining from their animal instinct of having sex. There is an intelligence in sex between partners a sometimes unspoken understanding of desires and barriers. Everything in our life affects our sexual performance and desire. Past pains can also negatively affect how we interact sexually.
I am not a sex doctor or any type of specialist on this matter, however I do understand that most people need to stop acting like a little bitch about sex and face the facts. We all have sexual desire, we all want to feel desired and abstaining from it or not getting what you want out of it contradicts our most basic animal instincts. So how do we get the sex we want?
For the purpose of this book I am going to assume you are in a monogamous relationship (girlfriend/boyfriend, F/F, M/M, or married). Obviously it takes 2 (at least!) to tango so lets suppose you have desires that you have not fulfilled with your partner. There is a process in sex that moves you from one stage to the next, it is experimental, the trial and error process. It is the fun part, finding out what your barriers are and what you and your partner are willing to do together. If a couple does not push these borders and keep things exciting things become boring and a partner may feel inclined to masturbate more, watch more porn or not “do it” at all! This is an absolute relationship killer, if this happens there are underlying emotions of rejection, boredom and envy of what other people are doing in bed. To maintain a healthy sexual relationship both people need to stop acting like little bitches and communicate about what their desires are. This is not always easy because of the many personalities in the world, and because one person may feel everything is great and the other may feel the opposite.
There should always be some sort of dialogue with your partner about sex, I find it easiest to talk about right after a “session”. Starting the conversation in the first place is the first step in reaching your goal, when you do this DO NOT SAY IN JOKINGLY… If you talk about it too lightly it may not be taken seriously. Ask your partner what they like about what you are currently doing, listen to them and understand….be present. Ask them if there is anything they want to try, let them know you are open to try new things…..listen! Once you have had that discussion let them know what you desire. You may think it might freak them out, its ok…Honesty in this area will help you feel more fulfilled. Even if they are not willing to do what you want to do right now, you have opened up an amazing door that will more than likely lead to better sex.
Surprise your partner. Sex should not just be an activity for procreation. We live in a day and age that sexuality is much more open and talked about, shit magazines talk more about sex than most sexual partners talk about sex. It shouldn’t be this way. Sex is exciting and it is your responsibility to keep it exciting. If you want it to be exciting you need to make active steps to get what you want. Send a dirty text message, this is easy and might surprise your partner. Give them the heads up that you want them waiting naked at the door when you get home at x o’clock. Buy toys and whip them out in bed, buy games. These are just a few things you can do to surprise your partner. Invite them on a sex vacation!! Keep things exciting, do not wait for the other person to do this or you both may wait until it is too late. Keeping things exciting will increase your desire for your partner and also ultimately lead to better sex, and stronger orgasms.
Make time for sex. Life can get so busy, and sometimes this can negatively impact our sex lives. Work, stress, aging, children and much more can all affect the time you have for sex. To have a good sex life you need to have sex! Or at least be doing something sexual with each other. Set aside time for sex, and be excited about that time because you know that is sexy time lol! If you are working late and know that sex time is coming it may help increase the buildup for the moment you are waiting for, let your partner know about your buildup. Finish what you are doing and get to it, its going to be fucking amazing! I have spoken to a lot of people about this problem and I find that parents have a major issue with this, partially because they are exhausted from taking care of the kids and partially because their drive may have decreased. The key is to understanding that humans are sexual beings and your partner wants to screw you, always have this in the back of your mind. It will help you feel more desirable just knowing someone wants to fuck you! Obviously sex does not always have to be pre-planned, but if you are having the time issue with it then you have to stop acting like a little bitch about it and make the active steps to make the situation better for you and your partner! Watch one less show, put the kids down earlier, start working an hour earlier so that you can quit and hour earlier, whatever it takes make the time.
Be present, when our lives are as busy as they are it is easy to have stray thoughts during sex. If this is the case both you and your partner will feel the disconnect. It can come in many forms from lowered drive to shitty orgasms. If having great sex is a goal you have you need to be actively engaged. Things do not happen on there own, it is up to individuals to make things happen in their lives. Being present with your partner also includes something as simple as eye contact, they say the eyes are the key to the soul. You knowing your partner is into this and you being into the moment will show and you will feel closer by doings this. Eye contact brings both people back into what they are doing. Being present also helps a person gauge what the boundary and borders are with their partner. Slowly test this and respect it, this will keep things interesting and keep you engaged.
Exercise for sex! Feeling desirable is a major issue, body image is also a major issue. People that feel this way have to stop acting like little bitches and do something about it. Exercising for sex simply makes you feel more desirable, builds confidence in your self image, can make you more desirable to your partner, increases blood flow leading to better orgasms, makes you healthier and ultimately helps lead to a better sex! This creates a positive chain affect in a persons life that leads to better habits, again helping you become better at sex. Everything you do or think can impact your sexuality if you let it. In my 30s I started believing in exercising for sex, I wanted to easily be able to lift up my partner and to have amazing stamina in bed. I thought my sex drive was amazing as I could get an erection at any time and could have sex what I felt was an unlimited amount of times (like most young men). Over the years many of the people around me were suffering from low testosterone and other sexual issues. I started having some body image issues as I had gained some weight and did feel less desirable than usual…..I never thought this would happen, I had a self image issue. Now what the fuck am I going to do about it, I need to take action, I need to stop acting like a pouting little bitch. I started exercising doing kickboxing, lifting weights yoga etc. At the time I knew what I wanted to look like and feel like. I wanted to have lots of energy, I wanted to look like an athlete and I wanted to be able to have the sex drive that I had when I was younger. The result of this was an amazing change in myself mentally and physically, not only did I get the physical reward but I had more energy, became a lot more confident and could fuck like a racehorse! I also became more conscious about my diet, drank less etc. etc. It also helped me gain confidence to talk even more about sex with my partner, resulting in the sex I want. (almost) Now at 38 years old I am still pushing, and feel better, and can fuck more and better than I did when I was 30!
Many of us have deep rooted emotional issues that we carry with us every day that affect our sexual function. This can vary from rejection in bed, feeling undesirable all the way to actual abuse. Again I am not a professional in this subject and cannot tell you what you need to do. The purpose of this is to only outline that something must be done in order for a person to move to the next stage and start getting better. If you are constantly being rejected in bed, you need to build up the confidence to have an adult discussion with your partner about why this is happening and either remedy it, live with it or get the fuck out. Life is short and you are in control of what happens in your life (for the most part). People that continuously get rejected often feel like they have done something wrong or are undesirable to the other person. They may even also start thinking that this is normal. Fuck no! This is not normal, every person has different levels of sexual desire and if your partners is not matching yours, something is wrong. Many people allow this to hurt them for years until it explodes and the result can lead to breakup/divorce etc. Have the conversation before it is too late, or realize that you cannot or do not want to live like this. There is someone out there that will want to fuck your brains out!!
Talking about this is very important because it can sometimes help a person realize that there is something medically or chemically wrong. For example there are many men out there with low sexual desire due to low T levels in their system. You can help your partners in this case to stop acting like a little bitch and do something about it.